


booty liike two planet2

by doxian



Series: Homestuck Shipping World Cup 2014 [12]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Butts, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Clubbing, Competition, Consent Issues, Established Relationship, F/M, Flirting, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Homestuck Shipping World Cup 2014, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Resolved Sexual Tension, Threesome - F/M/M, fused Alternia/Earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 13:18:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1984422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doxian/pseuds/doxian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You want to live on Karkat Vantas' plush rump. Or die on it. You would fucking drown yourself in your fucking best friend's sweet, criminally curvaceous glutes.</p><p>(First, though, you're going to find both Striders and shove their noses into the club's dirty, spilled-soporifics-sticky floor, because your expanded rump-related vocabulary has to be  due to their horrible influence.</p><p>And <i>then</i> you'll smother yourself with Karkat's glutes.)</p><p>--</p><p>Or: a fic about Karkat's ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	booty liike two planet2

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for [this br5 prompt](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/22187.html?thread=6417579#cmt6417579): "You know what to do with that big fat butt, wiggle wiggle wiggle." - Jason Derulo
> 
> Also includes a quick mention of cannibalism and death

You can't have been at this shitty-ass club for more than ten minutes and it already feels like too long. 

There are days where you enjoy going out with your friends, gathered somewhere appropriately raucous and noisy and getting absolutely plastered on fermented sopor concoctions and sugar, but today is not one of those days. You're sitting at the end of the bar, moodily stirring the tall glass of whatever Roxy had ordered you as it glows softly and fades from purple to pink and back again. Roxy, along with Jade, had been pestering you to get up off your butt and dance or attempt to chat over the pounding music or _some_ thing, but had since given up in favor of poring over the shots menu and trying to figure out what would be best to order for everyone. (Considering their patchy Alternian, they'll probably end up ordering something with ground beetle wings in it by accident, but whatever. You're not going to help. You _love_ ground beetle wings.)

And then the rest of your friends walk in.

Namely, Nepeta, Equius, Terezi and Karkat - everyone else is already here. You almost miss the other two because they're half-hidden behind Equius and Nepeta's brick shithouse bodies. Terezi has got her arm around Karkat, which is disgustingly ruddy and exhibitionistically affectionate. Ever since they'd gotten together redways they've been completely irrepressible, and you react the only way a good friend should - by making conspicuous fake-gagging gestures from behind the two human girls. 

You can tell that the real reason Terezi is holding on to Karkat like that is to prevent him from bolting the moment her back is turned, which he's very close to doing if his facial expression is anything to go by. But before he can even think about scarpering (like you very much want to do yourself), Roxy and Jade squeal overenthusiastically at the sight of the newcomers (you'd all seen each other _last month_ but you'd think it had been an entire sweep, god) and haul Karkat in for a three-way hug as he protests loudly. 

You might as well at least pretend you know how to function like a proper troll whose lusus brought them up with manners and everything and say hello to TZ. She's always less of a pan-drain to talk to than all these other assholes and you're less likely to get roped into booze-ordering duty than if you stay over here. 

"Hey, TZ."

"Mr. Appleberry Blast, hello!" She stops talking to Nepeta to give you a full-fledged grin. Her silly nickname for you prompts you to smile back. 

The smile doesn't last long, however. You open your mouth to ask how she's been, to ask if this month's choice of awful club was hers, you don't _know_ , but the words die on your tongue. 

From this vantage point you have a clear view of Karkat, and you can sort of see what he's being so pissy about, now. (Aside from his usual baseline level of pissiness, you mean.)

He's wearing some kind of bodysuit that looks like a really high pair of leggings. It comes up to his armpits, cutting off before it reaches his shoulders or collarbones. Black, with accents in his blood color, and - most importantly - tighter than anything you've ever seen him wear before, which is the only thing that saves the outfit from looking as ridiculous as fuck. 

Karkat does turtlenecks and baggy pants that cover as much skin as physically possible. Karkat does _not_ do saucy, skintight dealies made of material that glitters slightly when it catches the light and outlines every curve and muscle he possesses. Fuck, his shoulders look amazing bared like this, powerful, not like something out of Musclebeasts Weekly like Equius, but still obviously strong and toned. And his throat, god. You kind of want to bite it. And the curve of his belly and his _hips_ , jegus nookwhiffing chri - 

Your talkgash practically dries up when your slow and thorough pan down his body reaches his glutes. Karkat has _glutes_? Obviously you missed that memo, otherwise you would have been _prepared_ for this instead of standing here as gobsmacked as a six-sweep-old who'd just discovered that pailing was a thing.

Because what glutes they are. All round and pert and shapely, and. You could easily grab two handfuls of those motherfuckers, and then some. Way more than two handfuls. You really wish you could walk over and grab his ass, right now. Or pull him back against you by his love handles and just. Rub your bulges all over his hot butt through your clothes. Actually, forget that, you'd be happy enough to weigh each glute in one hand, push them up and let go again to see how they'd bounce. Or strip that bodysuit off him and pour your drink over his ass and watch the liquid sluice off of him. No, screw that - genetic material. A full goddamn bucket of your combined orange slurry, splashing over him and dripping from his skin to the floor in rivulets, leaving him wet and shiny with fluids. 

You want to live on Karkat Vantas' plush rump. Or die on it. You would fucking drown yourself in your fucking best friend's sweet, criminally curvaceous glutes.

(First, though, you're going to find both Striders and shove their noses into the club's dirty, spilled-soporifics-sticky floor, because your newly expanded rump-related vocabulary has to be due to their horrible influence.

And _then_ you'll smother yourself with Karkat's glutes.)

The bartender passes by you with a tray of shot glasses filled with a colorless substance that smokes alarmingly, looking to be on the way to delivering them to the girls. You reach over and nab one, knocking it back to a cheer from Roxy, then slamming it down on the bar, wiping your mouth off with the back of your hand. It burns its way down your throat, which would be awful in any other context, but right now you appreciate the shock of it.

"You know, some trolls would think it pretty rude to stare at a friend's matesprit like he's a particularly delicious slice of grubloaf," Terezi remarks cheerfully. 

You swallow.

"Sorry. Uh. How long did it take you to talk him into wearing - "

You're interrupted by the troll himself coming over, probably in a desperate bid to get out of drinking the shots the girls are proceeding to accost everyone with, grumbling under his breath.

"This was a terrible idea, let's g - "

Terezi kisses him. Right in front of you. You're talking full-on sloppy makeouts - their lips part and meet again, once, twice, Terezi slips her tongue into his mouth and Karkat shivers with pleasure, his eyes fluttering closed. 

When she finally pulls away, Karkat's face is bright red and your eyebrows are doing an impressive job of trying to escape off your forehead. 

"What the hell, Terezi," Karkat mutters, flustered. 

Terezi is grinning at you again, satisfied and provocative, like she wants to throw a noose off one edge of said grin and hang you from it. 

She's fucking doing this on purpose. Flaunting him in front of you, knowing that you want him, knowing that she's got him and you don't.

She puts a hand on one of Karkat's hips, pulling him close.

"Mr. Appleberry Blast here was just thinking about how much he wants to touch your butt," she murmurs to him sagely. 

" _What?_ " he sputters, at the same time you say, "No, I wasn't!" 

She cackles at you.

"Don't lie! I could smell it all over you," she says, tapping her sniffnode knowingly. 

Why did you think coming over here was a good idea, again? This flighty broad is _infuriating_ , you think you feel a pan-ache coming on, and you don't know if your bulges are beginning to wake up in your sheath because of Karkat or because of Terezi's hoofbeastshit or _both_.

Terezi is whispering conspiratorially in Karkat's ear, now, and he's whispering furtively back.

"Sollux," she announces, turning back to you again. "Today's your lucky day! It has come to light that Karkat would _love_ for you to touch his butt, if you are so willing."

"Oh my god, _shut up_ , I can make my own butt-touching arrangements without your help, fuck - "

Terezi gives Karkat a skeptical look.

"Oh, really? Then not making a move despite in spite of talking about wanting to do so for weeks was only you taking your sweet time, hmm?" 

You raise your eyebrows again because, wait, what? 

Karkat's still blushing and it's really, _really_ cute and you hate everything. 

"She's right, I want this," he says, suddenly serious, looking you straight in the eye. "If. If you do."

"I," you say, and swallow again, cognizant of Terezi regarding you in a challenging kind of way. "Yeah. I do. Come here." 

Karkat hesitates for a second before stepping towards you, brow furrowed in equal parts worry and determination. He puts his arms around your neck, cupping the back of your head with one hand, and then he's kissing you and why would you ever _hate_ everything when everything is _perfect_ \- 

He's tentative at first, but _that_ goes out the window as soon as you lick a line along his lower lip and then start sucking on it. He growls and scrambles to get closer to you, probably on his tiptoes so he can reach you better. 

Finally, _finally_ , you run your hands down his waist and his hips to grope the hell out of his glutes, tracing the contours of them carefully, reaching their apex, squeezing, letting go and sliding your hands down to where his butt meets his thighs, rubbing the backs of his legs before beginning again, sweeping just one hand down both cheeks this time so you can feel how they meet and dip down in the middle. 

Fuck, he feels as good as you imagined, soft plush over a solid core of muscle, so good that you groan into his mouth, pulling him forwards and getting a leg between his thighs. 

By the time you break apart you're both panting and you've got him crowded up against the bar. You're dimly aware of a huskphone flash going off somewhere nearby. The little crowd around your corner of the bar had dissipated somewhat post-shots, but you think a few of your friends are still hanging around - Nepeta and Equius, maybe? 

Whatever, they aren't important. Not by a long shot. What's important to you right now is the way Karkat is biting his lip and squirming where you've got him pinned, and Terezi looking hungrily though sightlessly at you both.

"Pffft, is that the best you can do?" she scoffs, waving one hand dismissively. "He was totally silent the whole time! You must not be a very good kisser. If you need schoolfeeding in the fine art of making out," she says, smirking, "I'd be happy to help! Watch carefully."

Karkat now has the guileless look of someone who had walked into an imperial banquet and just realized that they were the planned main course. 

Terezi gently turns Karkat's face towards her and puts her mouth on his again, doing something that makes him begin to chirr and click urgently from deep in his throat.

"There. Think you'll be able to do better this time?"

You smirk right back at her, making sure to show your fangs. Oh, it is _on_.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to hit me up on [thatsnotbeautiful.tumblr.com](http://thatsnotbeautiful.tumblr.com) ^^v


End file.
